Clear As Mud

To my fellow teenager,

Being a teenager is so difficult! I’m aware its the most cliché thing someone could ever say. But its cliché for a reason, its true. Now in our times growing up falling into negative holes and traps is so easy. We don’t even have to think about it! 

Shame is associated with those things. Self harming and loathing, eating disorders, boys, and suicide attempts were my ways I tried to cope with the numb emptiness I felt. In the moment, doing those things made me feel. But in the long term I felt more empty. When I looked in the mirror I saw a dirty worthless  person. Which is how many girls feel now a days.

I’ll share a bit of my life story from my perspective. I was born into a dysfunctional family environment. My father was an achoholic and my mother had severe bipolar along with a life of trauma never being dealt with. On August 1st, 2009 my mother decided enough was enough and took her life with me in the house. I was robbed of the only person who cared about me. That’s was when I became empty and numb to everything.                                         

I grew up believing G-d gave me a cursed life and I that I was unloved. Until I was blessed with my family. For a moment I felt hope and love. But once I was in a safe environment I let my emotions out. I did that by endulging in eating disorders, self harming, boys, and suicide attempts.  For 3 years I lived in misery, everyday wishing I was dead. Things had gotten so bad that my parents sent me to a wilderness therapy program called Evoke. Being there saved my life. If I hadn’t gone there I would 100 percent be dead now. There I learned a sense of self love and compassion.

With those new lenses of life I was then sent to an Equine Therapy school. There I was blessed with a horse named Roman and later on Kelly. They taught more than I could of ever learned. Roman was the my greatest blessing from G-d. And after graduating both programs successfully, I love who I am. Life is like a rose. There are thorns that hurt making you bleed. And there is the beautiful and joyful rose. Look for the roses, and when you come across thorns  its okay! Be patient with yourself, and ask for help. You can’t do it by yourself. You are strong and beautiful. G-d only challenges His strongest and most precious  warrior. Be a warrior and the rose among the thorns! 

Love, Shoshana